Ahh, yes. I have arrived at my destination one piece, without any mortal wound to either me or my bike or to any one else on the road. Ok, Make it anyTHING on the road!…Phew… I love Chennai bikers. This article is an outcome of personal survival guide on Chennai road and ways (not) to tackle traffic.

See, it all depends on a single cardinal rule which has two steps.

1. See free space

2. Conquer

It’s that simple. Have you wondered how foreigners find incredibly awed at the sight of our chaotic traffic and gape at our em.. err… genius traveling skills? Well here is the answer. How to implement this rule?? Simple, when you are riding, you see a free space ahead of you in ANY of the directions, you conquer it. If you even think for a split second as to go through with your decision, WHAM, your free space doesn’t remain anymore. Any more speculation on it and trying to regain it back is plain stupidity. You go back to step 1 and then continue. Well, it’s incredible because, every other living human being on a bike in Chennai knows this. So when another one sees an empty space in front of you, he is going to assume, you know the rule. If you wasted the split timing, he implements it. There are some reservations you need to take care, before you go through. Like a Sumo in the side of the free space, means a BIG NO-NO unless you are this extremely agile rider. Because his rule is “Create free space, Conquer”… so.. Most probably you would end being err.. not on the road. The bus, you have to know that this bad boy doesn’t need to bother with such low beings such as a bike rider. Rest is up to you man! Amen!! .. The next bad boy is the Lorry. He is death trap unto himself. What you probably want to do is that, check out what goods he is carrying. If it is truck load of stones, he probably wouldn’t leave the median side and wouldn’t go fast, if it is carrying anything light, or if it is a metro tanker, please pullover!!! Listen to your favourite FM channel for sometime and then resume. By the time you start, he would be somewhere in Somalia. Then, cometh the ranks of indigos, accents and fords. These boys think they own the road. So you might probably want to play a cat and mouse game, because there are likely not to leave even a single free space in front of you. Then these are succeeded by santros, wagon Rs and indicas. These boys closely follow the above ranks, in an effort to play cat and mouse among them. Again, judgment call boss!! Not to be left out are the scooty peps, TVS 50s, bajaj waves, pleasure… whatever you see in pink, violet and baby blue. Trust me; these are far more dangerous than Metro water tankers. For once you would NOT be seeing the road when they are around. Second, you are likely to be caught up in flying duppattas, hair, handbags and what nots flying about around them. And lastly, they don’t follow the cardinal rule of bikers. So… what do I say now?..

Finally, apart from all these, are the dare devils. Their rule is “see nothing, conquer everything”.. They can have ,speed breakers, pot holes, bumps, cars, busses, trucks, eighteen wheelers, Mars explorers stoppin them, but they still wouldn’t in all probability stop. Let me say, please stay away from them. You might want to drop to 20 and ponder on the meaning of life..

All said and done, we all know that Traffic, Chennai Roads and a biker, make an awesome combination.

Happy riding everyone…

Let me end on a note celebrating riders.

“Happiness is finding that there’s another gear left”

- quote from some biker’s zone on the web